The thing is, the reason for this, is my fault i think. I don't really let meself get attached to people. I'm scared of making any kind of relationship. I've had a lot of good friends i THOUGHT i could trust in the past, and everyone of them, has betrayed me or stabbed me in the back, so i'm just scared it will happen again. I've learnt to not trust people. I always thought it was for the best, then nobody would ever betray me, but i never knew it would feel this lonley. It's just, nobody ever seems to like me for who i am. I had this one friend, i used to think we where really close, but she only came to me when her other best friend was busy. I didn't know at first, and when i found out i was reallt upset. I always put other people infront of me, so why won't someone do the same for me?
It's the same with relationships. I'm scared of asking someone out, because i'm scared of all relationships in general, and it's so hard, because i love this guy so much, for 3 years, and we talk everyday, it's so hard wanting to be with him, but hating to be with him at the same time. Do any of you's feel the same? Probably not.
Another thing is, i don' want to get close to people because, there are things in my life that i won;t be able to tell them, like secrets. I can tell you, because i doubt any of you will know me in real life. I have BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder and i won't be able to tell them, and if they find out, it will hurt them. Why is nothing ever simple?
I know what you mean About the "being alone" Thing, kinda the Same thing here, I recently graduated grade school, and moved on to high school, A few friends I knew in the past are going to the same school too, I've made some friends (Not many but some) And I'm always a bit sad that everyone seems to have an actual social life except me, Also the people I were close to last year, completely give me the cold shoulder,its kinda mean in a way since one of them was my Former Best friend.......
ReplyDeleteBut otherwise I guess I'm generally happy I've found some people with similar tastes, And I probably am going to have a stronger relationship with them as time goes on.
Anyway, Not trusting people Won't really get you anywhere, You gotta try to be (somewhat?) Positive, Being negative gets you nowhere in life (Trust me I know) Although now that I think about it, what does it really matter, I'm just some random person over the Internet... I've read too many friendship mangas I guess..
I wouldn't really know about the whole "Boy thing" Because quite honestly.... I've never met a guy I've actually Like, Umm.. Loved... So as such Never had a Boyfriend and the stuff, In a way I suppose I'm that would make me a loser or something like that... 14 and never had a boyfriends Kinda depressing in a way.. Although I Havent known My new friends long enough to actually... Well... Tell them that detail... So when they talk about that kinda stuff well..... yea.
Well anyway, If your Friends are really your friends they should be able to accept your secrets. Unless its something like "I killed a guy" Then I Would suggest NOT telling them, But I suppose waiting for a relationship to grow into something stable, is better Before you share,
Well Anyway, This is the longest comment I've probably ever written, And I have English Homework to start :( So well.. Bye I guess..
~Random Internet Girl
I really can't imagine how you are holding up. Not having a 'real' friend to talk to and trust is like not being able to brethe fresh air. I've got a best friend who I trust with my life and is always there for me.
ReplyDeleteDon't blame yourself for not having a best friend, it's not your fault. I, once never used to attach to people, always have built a wall around my heart coz I didn't want anyone to get close to me. Hell, I never trusted people, actually till this day. Though, I really don't know how but this friend of mine who I am proud to call my best friend, broke that wall around my heart and reached out to it. I can't explain how that happened. All I can say is it was luck. Though if I look at it from another angle, I had prayed for a friend and she is like a dream come true. lol, that sounds clinchy. I used to be so cold-hearted and down-right rude...well, I still am but not to my best friend (playful rudeness doesn't include lol)
I know its hard to trust people especially when you've been betrayed. I know how you feel, I've been there and I know it's not a nice feeling. All I can say is hang in there and pray for a friend, pray with an honest heart and your 'friend' will come along. There is always a best friend for everybody and there will be ups and downs. Don't be all negative (looking back I can say I used to be such a negative person. Still am) but there are times you need to be positive.
Relationships, honestly I've never been in one. I turned 20 just a couple months ago and still single. I did have a crush that lasted seven years, I wanted him so bad but surprisingly last year that so called crush I had for him just...vanished. I got over him. And now I am hoping to find love but honestaly, I don't believe in it. It's like fairytales, you don't believe in them but deep down inside you do.
This is life. Nothing is simple in it. One day you will definately meet someone who understands you entirely. Until then try not to be too depressed , life has got its surprises besides the screwing with us part.
Hi. I know what you mean with the betraying thing. I had a friend who I'd known for years, and she betrayed me. That really hurt. But I was lucky enough to have other friends to pull me up.
ReplyDeleteIt's not your fault you don't have a best friend. There's someone out there who will listen and reach out to you, and you just haven't met them yet.
About the guy thing... I've had a guy I've liked for a year and I don't have the courage to tell him. I never have, really. So yeah I get that.
All I can say is keep going. Life isn't the best thing, but there are those moments that help you get through the stuff that isn't that great.